Every woman is bound to come across a guy who runs hot and cold. The hot and cold men are the ones who get close to you, then pull away, then get close to you again, and then pull away again. One week they are calling you and texting regularly, and it is great to be around them. They make you feel loved and adored, and you think everything is going great. The next week, they disappear and you feel completely rejected and alone. So what is the deal with these guys?
What the hell is that about? We havent spoke for a couple of days, today I had my two girls, took them to the park with my young niece. We didnt even look at each other at the same time let alone say hello. Again what the hell, Im lost? Any ideas? My situation is a little different. I dated this girl 13 years ago. After we split I still kept in touch from time to time. For the last 3 years we both with other people I would stop in the bar she worked in from time to time to catch up.
She went through a bad break up about 5 months ago, the guy locked her out the house and threw all her clothes and belongings away. She was basically homeless. She called me one night to hang out and we started hanging out more and more.
She finally moved into an apartment and was trying to get herself straight. Things started to move into going out on dates, sleeping together and just having fun but there was still this kinda standoffish at times.
Finally we went to go eat at a really nice restraunt and had a great time keep in mind she is acting like we are together around friends and everywhere. I made a comment joking about taking a shower at her apartment how she might mind it which she thought was rediculas but it opened up a conversation as to how she feels. This is what was said.
I am physically ready but not mentally yet. I want to continue what we are doing. Then Bam don't hear from her for 2 days. I dont force her or blow her phone up. Im going to a function se invited me to in 2 days. I guess my question is. When I am with her, Im with her, when im not I am doing my normal shit. So im in highschool and i've had a crush on this girl and we've been on the same bus since 4th grade.
Starting 7th grade i've started having feelings for her and for a while I thought she was in to me too. But starting like 4 days ago last monday I'm not sure if she's interested or not anymore.
And it dosn't help that my friend sent a message to her on my phone on snapchat saying I like her like I was the one who sent it, and I'd never think she'd get it because she lost her phone, and I cant remember if those thing dissaper after 1 hr too or what. But coincidencentally she found her phone about a week ago and im not sure if she saw the message, if she's playing hard to get, or generally is not interested.
She's not being rude but she's just not been acting the same. Any help would be greatly appriciated. A little bit of background :english not my language, I'm a female in my late 20s she's 24 years-old a single lesbian ,we don't directly work together at the same job but have been in a professional relationship the last 4 months we barely know each other but I noticed that she talked to me differently she praised me a lot she touch my arm when ever she had the chance.
I'm lost but sure of one thing is that I don't want to hurt her. I'm stuck between "she's punishing you" and "she's playing you" they both sound about the same Thank you for this. I seem to repeat this same pattern but it's important to remember that if she's into me, she will let me know.
If not, it's OK too. Hi Nick, I can't tell you what is going on in her head, but I honestly feel that you deserve to be treated better than this. Just guessing from your post, it seems that perhaps she enjoys the attention and attraction she feels from you, but is actively avoiding taking it any further.
It is hard because obviously you really like her, but there are plenty of women who would genuinely love to have a relationship with your nice self without the need to play games. I don't believe you have done anything wrong, so don't doubt yourself. If pressed to give advice, I would say to distance yourself and move on.
Easier said than done when you are emotionally invested, I know, but in the long run, I think you would be happier without her. I'll try to keep it brief. Around 6 years ago I fell for one of my workmates, we quickly became best friends and everything we did was great. She had a boyfriend at the time, and I foolishly told her I had feelings for her. Long story short it became messy, she broke up with him and just at the point I thought I had her it all fell apart.
When she got with a new guy it was too hard to so we fell out of touch. Now 6 years later I noticed randomly she was always the top of my Instagram stories viewer list. Looking it up I found this person was likely the person who looks at your page the most, off given we haven't spoken in years nor does she interact with my posts. So I put a feeler out, and shot her a random message on Messenger. She took to it quickly, and for the next 5 weeks we were messaging daily, she'd send me pictures and tell me what she was up to.
After a while we agreed to meet up, we talked till the early hours of the morning, and a few days lated we watched a movie on her bed where she was comfortable enough to fall asleep beside me.
She came around to my place a few times and always acted very happy around me, but being hurt before I was hesitant to make the first move hoping she'd give me a sign it's 'ok'. When I left she said in hopeful tone 'We'll catch up again soon'? To which I replied 'Of course'. That was the last time I saw her, our messaging slowed over the following 2 weeks, though when I went overseas for a week ironically to detox the situation she was all over it again, always asking 'How my day was' and taking interest in my activities.
While overseas I asked her out to dinner, which she agreed, all seemed well. I arrived back this week and no messages, except for Wednesday - the day we were supposed to do dinner where she messaged to say she couldn't do it due to prior plans with her flatmate who was leaving for France seemed legitimate.
She agreed to reschedule, and we had a nice messenger conversation, same the following night where she apologized for talking a while to reply as I know she is really busy at the moment. On Friday morning I tagged her in a FB post of one of our 'in-jokes' - got no response. I messaged her just after working saying I was happy to have all my work done, and asked how her day was - seen but no reply.
It's been 4 days and she hasn't attempted to communicate. She's started posting a few pictures of herself out and about to her Instagram account, I've not 'liked' any, nor attempted to communicate with her. I did notice she is back to the top of my viewer list - being one of the first people to view one of my posts within minutes yesterday she doesn't spend much time in Insta, but knows I put a lot of content on there.
I don't think there are any other guys involved, and she only a week ago seemed to really care and be interested in me.
Aug 12, That is essentially the switch women feel. The one that appears like he's gone from hot to cold. It's the transition from him pursuing you to settling in and just being with you. But that's not the only explanation Here Is The Real Deal On Why Men Run Hot and Cold. Here are some of the most common reasons behind a man's hot and cold. Dec 01, Understand that there are 3 phases to the hot and cold pattern. Here's how to deal with them. Phase one, The hot phase: You are given constant attention, flirtation, banter, easy communication, and then completely unexpectedly, texts are . Intense ambivalence in romance. If you're dating someone who runs piping hot and icy cold, you are not alone.
I don't think I did or said anything offense, I did ask to hang out a few times as it's been 3 weeks but surely that's no reason to start ignoring someone? Maybe I was too nice? With all do respect any man who has even a modicum of self respect and simply disregard whats has been written in this article. It seems that this article is targeted towards younger peoplebut i will beg tour pardon and add something to it.
Within the dating sphere we as men have several built disadvantages. A number of them are that the current wave of dating websites and apps are directed towards women and not men. Also as men the cultural shift in the last 40 years has left the man having to fit dual roles in the social landscape. To get more to the point we have been properly asked to more sensitive and more understanding. We have also been expected to continue to be the"man" in dating, we have been expected to actually make the pursuit of a woman that we may have an interest in.
This article seems to be at least on the surface to be of an aid to men in their dating experiences. But i think the better advice for men going into dating as equals. Have your own expectations and limits. Pursuing is fine up to a point where your own feelings are becoming damaged by the women you are pursuing. In short treat women with the same respect that you yourself would expect, and if that doesn't happen then a man should know that it's time for a change.
That was a really bad move. You should have stopped after the first "dirty message," IMO. If she was withdrawing already and obviously lukewarm after the first time, then you just scared her off with the follow up messages. I'd back off entirely with the sexual stuff. You might be getting the signs and just not recognising them.
While I'm not romantic enough to believe that everyone has a soulmate, I do think that absolutely everyone has qualities that other people are attracted to.
From your comment alone, it seems to me that perhaps you are lacking confidence, and I can tell that you are unhappy with the situation. Do you have any female friends you could ask to see if they can spot a reason why women might not seem interested? If not, maybe talk someone professional, as the anonymity can help. You are obviously intelligent which a lot of women like, and if you can enhance your attractive qualities, I think you'll find that women will notice.
This is a helpful article, but totally academic for guys like me. I never get signs of interest from women. In my entire life I'm 34no woman has flirted with me or shown the slightest interest in me even once - not in high school, college, grad school or the workplace. Guys who get signs from women - however temporary - are lucky. Some of us just get to dream that a any woman will even acknowledge our very existence.
I've known this girl for a few years now though we have yet to meet in person. Over the last year we've grown a lot closer and I've been her emotional support.
She's shy and very self conscious. I started developing feelings for her and I believe she's developed feelings for me.
She used to always find reasons to message me and ask me questions about things etc. Over the last month she seems to have gone a bit cold and distant. We are business partners as well and she no longer asks for my input on things which she always used to do.
If you're in a relationship or dating a man who has a hot and cold personality type, you'll forever be at his mercy unless you get a grip on yourself. Nothing will make a . So, when a woman tests you (e.g. by acting hot and cold when you first meet her, on a date, or throws a tantrum in a relationship) it is simply her way of determining who is the more dominant one in the relationship. May 04, Every woman is bound to come across a guy who runs hot and cold. The hot and cold men are the ones who get close to you, then pull away, then get close to you again, and then pull away again. One week they are calling you and texting regularly, and it is great to be around them. They make you feel loved and adored, and you think everything is.
It all seemed to start when she took a trip on which I'm sure a few days were spent visiting her ex's parents. I'm not sure if her ex was around or not but I know something that she has not disclosed made her terribly upset when she arrived at her destination to the point where she was crying.
She has since returned and still seems a bit distant. She emphasized "pretty" just as I did above. Now her family friends are there staying with her for a week, she doesn't know that I figured out that those "family friends" are her ex's parents. We've been communicating on an app that allows me to see when she's read my messages. She responds to some and just reads others.
I don't message her a lot, I never have. Using that app I recently texted her a very dirty sexual text message telling her that she's driving me crazy and what I wanted to do to her. She responded almost immediately with a bunch of embarrassed faced emojis saying she was surprised I had never given her any reason to think I was interested in her before and what I said to her seemed very out of my character and that she was happy about it, sent smiley faces, and told me not to worry.
After that it went back to her just reading some messages and not replying. So I tested the waters again and sent her another dirty sexual text about what I wanted to do to her. She just replied "Ha! So to test further I sent another dirty message and immediately after told her if she ever tires of me telling her what dirty thoughts I'm having when I look at her good or bad let me know and don't be afraid to tell me how she feels.
She read it no response. So needless to say I'm still confused as to where she stands and I think her ex's parents visiting her may have something to do with it. Any advice from a woman's perspective? So i've been dating this wonderful Japanese girl for a couple of months, we had our seventh date yesterday. She has a little girl, and doesn't get a sitter so she's with her daughter monday through thursday evening, then friday-sunday when her ex has custody she works nights at a restaurant and gets off at We've hung out either lunches or after she's off work.
Then she'll be very warm over text usually immediately afterward, and then go cold-ish. I know she's busy but she used to send me good mornings, and goodnights a lot more. We still text every day, but normally I initiate it now. When she's busy and doesn't have time or has to cancel plans she never has a counter offer. So i feel a little bit like i'm doing everything. Now that i'm writing this out it sounds like a conspiracy theory lol; but it's weird to me to feel stuck on square 1 after seven dates.
At one point she talked about me meeting her daughter and hasn't brought it up since. I make her laugh like crazy i do standup so it's not all that hard and I know she has fun, but part of me is exhausted from having the "hot first date" experience seven times in a row.
This article is targeted to those in a new relationship. There should not be games after ten months, and I can understand your frustration. I think that if you are serious about staying with this woman, maybe you should get some professional relationship advice, as it is not good for you to be in this situation.
If a woman is deliberately playing games with you, I agree. However, I don't think it is always that simple. It is rare for a person to be without any insecurities, and often these are brought out when there is the potential for a relationship with someone really special.
I think that being understanding and reassuring at the onset of a possible relationship is the key. Once you have made it clear to her that you are interested in her and in having a relationship with her, the games should stop. If they don't, then there most likely is most a problem. Tips for men and Lesbians. If a woman plays games with you. It's a red flag! She is not worth the headache or stress. Women like that are damaged, have low self-esteem, insecure, attention whores, need for control, etc.
Jun 19, It's long been the rule that when dating someone whose behavior is marked by hot and cold reactivity, you're standing on shaky ground. Behavioral extremes indicate a power play is being employed. Whether you call it push/pull, on/off, or hot and cold. Because the dating scene has become filled with men who look at dating and relationships as a game; a game of blowing hot and cold, to be precise. The blowing hot and cold psychology seems easy to detect when you are just a bystander. But when you are the one who is pulled into that emotional roller coaster, easy becomes difficult.
I've been seeing her for 10 months and its always the same - hot for a few weeks - all lovey dovey then cold as ice. It drives me nuts. I am 15 and I had a really good friend in school for a few months but we both liked each other. It was really great and I could tell she really liked me but then we went for the holidays and didn't see each other for about 4 weeks and then on the first day back she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship and that being in a relationship stresses her out.
I didn't really believe that that is why she broke up with me and I assumed that after 4 weeks she had just lost interest in me but our friends say that she still likes me. Every once in a while I think she might still like me but generally she seems quite normal. I keep trying to get over her but I see her every day and am getting mixed signals so I just feel worse and worse. I have no idea whats going on Does she still like me? Can I get her back? Should I just give up? Jimmy, You seem offended by my use of the word "complex".
I was not suggesting that men are simple, just that women are more guided by their emotions, which makes their decision making process more complicated. I don't believe that emotional equates to irrational, and there are benefits and difficulties associated with both types of decision making. When it comes to emotional response, I think the differences between men and women lead us to being able to find solutions that are both practical and empathetic. Gg You were not stupid.
If a girl who is already in a committed relationship deliberately makes you feel that you have a chance with her, that is not your fault.
However, people men and women also playfully flirt just because they find someone attractive. This is just human nature, and as long as the boundaries are clear, there is nothing wrong with this. It is when someone is deliberately deceived that it causes pain and becomes cruel.
Take heart. We all have past date experiences that we would rather forget. Look to the future and use your experience to help you find a girl who gives you the love and commitment you deserve. Khan, I can understand why you are confused. She is giving you a lot of signs, but this might be because, as you said, she is unhappy in her marriage and she might be looking for a boost to her confidence and an excuse to leave her husband.
These Are the Real Reasons Men Run Hot and Cold:
Of course, not knowing you both, I can't give definitive advice, but you might find this article helpful. I hope that you find happiness! She is a married women and she is my relative the day when I saw her it was like whooooo! This story started when we were traveling together with my family she was sitting beside me and don't know she was intentionally allowing me to touch her body and my arm was touching to her tits and she allowed me.
After an hour later I couldn't control myself and my hand was on her thighs, again she allowed me. After that I called her and I asked is she angry on me for what happened?
She reacted as if we did nothing I thought it was a signal then straight away she pushed me and said no and left and she went outside and called me and said don't do this again its not correct. I said OK! Then I couldn't control and started texting her and called her she used to answer my call and whenever I text her saying you look good in xxxx dress.
She dresses up in that same way and when I text her about hairstyle she follows it. There are many thing I cant explain that she is attracted towards me but she never admits it and my problem is like you know I cant even share with my friends. I just need a simple way how to make her admit and allow me. I know she is not happy with her husband I dont want to hurt her. I just want to make her happy for some moments because she is very nice humble and polite and obviously she is beautiful.
I dont understand what to do please help me out of this it would be great help! JMD, Thank you for your honesty. You must be feeling very sad and disappointed. It sounds to me like this guy had been played before by someone else and was sensitive about it happening again.
So often potential relationships are destroyed by lack of communication, understanding and by our own or our partner's insecurities. Women are always being told not to come on too strong, not to be too obvious and to play hard to get, or a man will not be interested. We're told that a man likes to chase a woman. Open, honest women are often portrayed as nerds, stalkers or desperate, or at the other end of the spectrum, as easy or promiscuous.
Communication isn't easy when there is already a minefield of misconceptions to negotiate. I have flirted with someone whom I think is amazing and everything was going well, and he was touching my arm, and it was turning me on and I was enjoying everything but then:. Because I moved away from the group to think more about what to do next, since I did like him SO MUCH and didn't want to jump in too quickly with all these pending factors looming, he assumed I didn't like him.
I really just wanted a few moments to spend privately, to flirt and chat rather than in front of a group.
I like PDA, but usually I prefer that in front of friends and family when things are clear between people. If it were a bar or something, it wouldn't be so bad- but these are important people, and every move was not something I would take lightly his mom was present.
I was just trying to do things slowly and more intentionally- with more verbal communication first. He left and now, I think he thinks I was giving him the cold shoulder and trying to play him in front of our friends and his family. It's sad because I felt he was amazing in that moment, and I was so in shock that someone so amazing and magical appeared in my life when I least expected it.
Then I thought so many things are up in the air- I'm afraid he wouldn't understand. I guess he didn't. I just do not get this one girl currently, it's like she expects me to read her mind. The thing is, the lesson I learn from this one girl 2 years ago, even the ones you might think they're into you, they will use you for the attention too. The same goes for putting energy into trying to woo her, or even in a friendship, being the one obvious trying to keep in contact, either relationship, isn't healthly.
It's likely that neither of you are compatible enough, one of youhas to change. Women are so immature. I dont trust the majority of them in a loving and caring relationship wise Well, I got into a relationship shortly after my previous post above from 10 months ago. Although I feel things are going to end relatively soon, I must at least give myself credit for getting as far as I have with this girl, who was super closed off.
She is 25 and I am her first everything. The relationship is waaay too much to get into at the moment, but it's making me question whether or not I wish to try again. Yes, fact remains that nice guys finish last, BUT how was I supposed to act during the whole suicide attempt aftermath, especially when I was the only one there for her? Needless to say, I did screw up a few times by being too nice and she tried to demote me to "just friends" status, but I was smart enough to know better than to accept that and walk away each time.
She did end up coming and asking for me back each time. I'm not sure if the pain of leaving her will exceed the pain of being with her, but I'm on the verge of giving her keys back, taking my stuff and completely cutting her off. And Elise, yes, I read your response. I appreciate it. However, I have to admit that being on the autism spectrum does affect relationships. It doesn't help that I've lost some skills while in this relationship because I haven't been approaching and practicing with as many girls, and this girl I am with is very closed off and stays to herself - and does so by choice, as she doesn't have social anxiety.
I've made the mistake of committing too much to her and becoming too attached to her. Not sure if she is attached to me though I do admit that some of the times she wanted to take a break or break up had to do with the fact that she had doubts about the relationship since I did hold back my feelings a lot and pretended to care less than I actually did.
But then again, I did NOT get her attention in the first place by being a "nice guy," and I did notice that when I began to mess up and slide in that direction, that's when she would begin to lose some interest.
She used to get a little upset when I didn't text her at least every other day or tell her where I was going, but I knew better than to do things like that and become the nice guy who ends up just being a friend! I wont even get into more of this. It doesn't matter if she has any mental issues or not - all women are pretty much programmed the same psychologically.
This is the precise reason so many relationships end and people usually the guy are left wondering what happened or why she cheated or why she isn't responding or showing as much interest anymore. They simply stopped doing what attracted her at first. Therefore, the attraction she felt towards him also stopped as well. I have been seeing this girl who is doing this very thing and it's driving me nuts. I was casually dating her and it was going well.
Once I was no longer dating anyone else she professed her love for me and said she was scared I might hurt her which is why she backed away. We talked hypothetically about marriage, kids, churches, the whole nine yards.
She dropped the "I love you" bomb all over the place. I figured I had landed a girlfriend and I was pretty happy about it because I really like the girl. Then in the span of a week, despite "communicating" with her daily, it feels labored. Like I am the one sending the texts and making the phone calls and sometimes its hours and hours before she responds. I like the girl and am wary about dating other people because I don't want to scare her off again.
But if she's not into me anymore then who cares. I just wish she'd spit it out, where are we at. Does she still love me or has she changed her mind. My situation's a lil different, but similar to what I've read above. We had a great time for 2 weeks, she was all about me and all over me, when we last saw each other it was all smiles and amicable. Then outta nowhere she drops off the planet for a week and says she needs space and is acting hella cold and not giving me any actual reason behind it.
It's weird cuz she's a logical girl and a feminist, so big deal for her to be in relationship. I'm thinkin that she couldn't handle the strong feelings and how quickly we clicked together. Thoughts anybody? She has a problem with her relationship with herself, in short, she either does not know what she wants, or worse, has a deep rooted emotional crisis occurring at the subconscious level.
A mature woman who has inner peace and strength is a beautiful creature. Quickly, and politely, part ways while you seek a woman who knows what she is looking for, and has a mental state stable enough not to need male affirmation from the masses And do yourself a favor, be a MAN.
You asked for examples of how to tell if a woman is attracted to you. This is for you:. All of the reasons given by herpointofview could equally apply to men who also go hot and cold.
It's not any fun to make people feel insecure or hurt people. It's crap. It will totally backfire. It is okay to challenge a bit, keep a bit of mystery and some guess work. But this is a very delicate balancing act. Overdo it and it will turn someone off for ever. This applies to both genders. Men play just as many games as women. There is a huge difference between playing manipulative games and trying to manipulate someone's feelings which ends up backfiring and gets no-one anywhere and being a little bit of a challenge, leaving some mystery.
Hot n cold dating
An open book is not interesting. There has to be some mystery in order to create interest. And people do not value things that are handed to them on a plate. This shows just how immature girls really are and that they never mature into adulthood as quick as men. Very few girls are down to earth until they become women which typically doesn't happen until they reach there late 20s or early 30s. What I find even more crazy is how much women hate it when men play them and then they get all angry and categorize all men are the same, but when they hear men saying all women are the same they are so quick to defend and say NO not all women are the same.
Most women are a bunch of hypocrites these days and that's the real truth. It's because of how society raises them to be. They are taught that it's fun to hurt guys and make guys feel insecure.
Girls playing hot and cold with guys is fun. Girls confusing guys is fun even to the point where guys punish them. Guys can't stop thinking. They need to keep thinking. They're the ones chasing after girls. Girls want guys to be hurt and broken. And guys deserve to be treated badly, burned, hurt, and broken all the time while girls should always push guys' buttons, test, them, and challenge them too much.
We, men, sometimes forget, or pretend it is contrary, that everytime with no exceptiona woman choose her own mate. I hate to break it to you guys but there is another thing it could b. Thanks for the insight. I've been dating a girl for about a month now and this last week she has cut our planned day together short, canceled a date because she was sick, and then today began texting me in a positive happy way, but gave a cold answer to a flirty text reply and then stopped texting me all together.
I think colorsez hit the nail on the head with her 5th point that I did something to cause her to lose interest. My confusion is that if she lost interest in me, why is she initiating conversations?
This is surprisingly common. She gets tense when you are around so she closes off and cannot act normally. If a woman is very relaxed around a man, it often but not always means she is not interested in them as anything other than a friend.
When people tense up around someone, it often but not always means that that person has affected them on an emotional level and they are processing their feelings. The only way to get into any kind of relationship with someone who is love-shy is to proceed very slowly, and take cues from their body language. It's not just women who act hot and cold. Men do it too. It's because you make yourself vulnerable to another person when you care about them.
Acting hot and cold is just the mind's defence mechanisms in play. It's human nature to play games - everyone does it. It's nothing to worry about if it only happens during the courting phase. Once you're in a serious relationship, though, proper communication should kick in.
Thank you for writing this hub based on your personal experiences : For me I have never had this problem You shouldn't have to mind read or play games if you are truly interested in someone : I guess the bottom line is to own your feelings and if the atmosphere changes come out with the explaination.
Have a great week. I appreciate this insight and this is the reason I will stay single forever. I don't have the energy to read minds and deal with this sort of madness. If I could find a down to earth girl who would just say what she felt, that would change it.
I'm not autistic, but that doesn't make me normal. I'm typically outgoing, but I can become a very different person with men I like, so much so that I don't even recognize myself. I'll become extremely introverted, or I'll unintentionally give mixed signals. One day I'll be extroverted because I'm not uncertain of the situation in that moment, while the next day I'll be very quiet if I'm at all confused for any reason.
I really need a man to be very direct and forthcoming, or I'll overanalyze and unfortunately misinterpret nearly everything. I'm telling you this because I'd like to suggest that your autism does not mark you as distinctly deviant from the norm complete misnomer as much as you may think it does.
Please know this. I want a nice guy. Nice is very, very alluring. Nice draws me in before anything else. In my opinion, if you are sensitive, become attached to people with whom you feel a deep connection and treat people well, then you are exactly the kind of person that any stable woman would want to love.
Your autism will not preclude a successful, long-term relationship or marriage. Don't resign yourself to the life of a player when clearly that is not who you are. Being someone who is on the Autism Spectrum, understanding women or having long term success with them seems nearly impossible.
I've finally improved my social skills to the point I've become the charismatic, fun, playful, and outgoing guy I've always dreamed of being. However, I've realized that I still have trouble reading women and knowing how to attract and keep one long term. I've also come to the conclusion that I have no choice but to be a player or live the player lifetime since I always tend to unknowingly do something wrong that causes women to disappear or start ignoring me for seemingly no reasons.
I admit, before I worked on changing and normalizing myself to the point where I can now maintain somewhat of a normal social life, I did a lot of weird things to scare women or people in general away.
However, I've learned to change my ways enough to the point where I can seemingly attract women temporarily and have not figured out how to surpass that temporary step. Therefore, I've figured out that it's best I enjoy multiple encounters with multiple women when I have the chance rather than try to commit to anyone long term. People see me more as a "player" or female expert rather than a big nerd or weirdo. They may not have any idea what I go through or have been through to get where I am now in life, but it doesn't matter.
I'm just glad I've managed to "fix" myself as much as I have, although it took me 31 years to get it right. A lot of you "Normals" out there complain about your girl problems, but imagine what it's like to be someone on the Autism Spectrum!
Being autistic at any level causes you to naturally want to do everything that's wrong when it comes to females and attraction. That includes the natural sensitivity, natural desire to become attached to people you feel a deep connection with and the natural tendency to produce "nice guy behavior.
But it's all good because despite the fact that I may never be in a long term relationship or get married, I at least know how to successfully approach, start conversations with, meet, and enjoy time with women.
This gives me the benefit of enjoying the moment with every woman I meet while I have a chance before I must move on to the next. Maybe some of you are thinking I should look for women who are also on the Autism Spectrum. Only problem with that is they are even more confusing, maybe even more so than religious girls.
Girl at work drives me crazy with this s h i t, and not in a good way. I say girl because she's 20, very beautiful blonde, a real head turner. I used to see her looking at me all the time, but whenever I approached her and made an effort to get to know her she would act so awkward and closed off. Her body language was very negative towards me, so I tried just joking around and being friendly and light hearted For a while I thought she was shy, but she seems fine with other guys.
It seemed to be always me approaching, in fact she usually ignores me unless I say hello first, quite rude for someone you know to behave like this, so after a while I just got sick of it, seeing her gazing in my direction all the time then acting uncomfortable like I'm a creep when I make an effort to talk to her. In case you are thinking maybe it's me, it isn't, there are plenty of attractive women I work with who I get on well with.
Her behavior has completely put me off even bothering to try and have a friendship or anything with her, I don't understand why she is so affected by me in this way, if she was really interested in me she would actually make an effort to get to know me, so she obviously isn't that bothered, but then she reacts to me like she is bothered. After being played once in the past by a woman I was crazy about, any kind of behaviour like this is just a massive turn off for me.
Confusion is the worst. I've backed off from guys for various reasons, some of which may sound terrible. It's not always even necessarily because the guy wasn't cool or fun to be around it can be because that extra spark just wasn't there. Here are some reasons why I've lost interest I usually don't go back and forth, but I can tell after hangout sessions if I want to continue things :. Most women are selfish when it comes down to love and a man do your research.
I have been dating a guy for 2 months almost. Some days he is so into me and some he isn't at all. When i start to he comes back hot. Horrible game.
Its frustrating and im thinkin about just ending it all together. Although we are in points in our lives where we both cannot really fall Hi, i met this girl a couple of weeks ago just randomly and she asked me what my name was and that stuff and added me on facebook.
We hadn't talked since we met but i suddenly began thinking of her and then she started chatting with me 2 days later, she asked what i was doing etc and then suddenly all out of the blue she says "i just have to admit something, i think you're incredibly handsome" and i did never ever expect to hear that from her cause i think she is the cutest girl in the world!. And then she asked me if i wanted to join her to see a movie the next day with two of her girl friends and ofcourse i said yes!
Maybe it comes with experience, but when a woman is hot-n-cold with me, I turn to ice. I literally terminate ALL signals and move on. I respect women who are responsible for their behavior, emotions, and communications. This article is great because it gives some insight into what's ticking. It wasn't even intentional.
It was a general social demeanor which had to do with a lot of insecurity and uncertainty about other people. I eventually had to challenge it, confront it. Not easy, but I'm pretty clear with people now. Interesting article. I am facing the problem now and hv no idea what this married woman is up to. She tried to be close to me for a few months but I backed out as I did not want rumours in the office.
Thereafter, I got these hot and cold treatments for the past 9 months. Cant get out of it as we are colleagues. She avoids and ignores me when we are alone, but will be rather friendly most of the time in a group, and even arranged group outings intentionally inviting me and showing her temper when I did not respond.
I honestly think that playing games with people is a very immature, childish and cruel thing to do with people. Especially with men. Lets be honest here, why is it that the minute a man tries to honestly show his intentions that he automatically gets labelled a player?
Shouldn't that be the best way when it comes to dating? In my own personal experience, coming from a PUA background and understanding what attraction is, i somewhat find it hard to believe that women respond mainly to their emotions and it being part of their nature All of that is complete rubbish, because if that were true, then does that automatically make it acceptable to commit murder and use the excuse of your emotions for acting the way you acted?
As long as game playing exists, there will never be honest and straight forward relatonships because of it will revolve around ego and self validation and nothing about love Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages and Hubbers authors may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others. HubPages Inc, a part of Maven Inc.
As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so. She's into your friend.
It's an inappropriate situation. She is punishing you. She's feeling insecure. She's playing you. She's not into you, but she's being polite. It's an Inappropriate Situation No matter how crazy I might be about a man, sometimes it is inappropriate to flirt or even admit an interest. Some examples of this might be: We work together, and I don't want to flirt in the office and start rumors.
Either my or your ex is somewhere in the vicinity, and I don't want any conflict. One of us is married or unavailable in some way, and I don't want our feelings made public. So he settles into a more comfortable routine, and that often means he is slightly less engaged in the relationship. This one stings. No one wants this to be the truth. At the root of his hot and cold behavior is a whopping dose of uncertainty. The switch you feel in this scenario is really just him testing the waters to see if he wants to dive in.
Your guy has been playing the hot and cold game.
How To Handle Hot And Cold Men
First things first, take an honest look at the relationship and try to figure out the reason for his behavior. It will most likely be due to one of the three reasons listed above. No matter what the reason, the worst possible thing to do is chase after him. This instinct is activated by fear and will come across as desperate and needy.
Another mistake is to retaliate and act cold toward him. Just go with it. In this case, stop focusing on the relationship so much and instead focus on yourself and on enjoying your life and bring that positive energy into the relationship. In this case, the best thing you can do is move on. There is no point in degrading yourself trying to win him over and get him to like you.
Instead of seeing this as a loss, see it as a win. I hope this article helped you better understand why men can run hot and cold.
Before you decide what to do next, you need to know about the two defining moments in a relationship that will determine if it lasts or if you get your heart broken. The next thing most women are unaware of is what actually inspires a man to commit for life. Do you know the answer?
Tags: datingdating advicerelationship adviceRelationshipsunderstanding menwhy guys pull awaywhy guys withdrawwhy he's going hot and cold on youwhy he's pulling awaywhy men run hot and cold. I was devestated and he made me feel like a cheap whore, it deeply impacted my feeling of self worth. When he finally contacted me again i was furious and told him to get lost.
On top of it, before we had sex he lied and said he loved me in order to get me to have sex with him. I never heard of hot cold men till the other day i met someone and he was texting then complete silence. Sign up for our free newsletter and get a free chapter of our book,"He's Not That Complicated". The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except as expressly permitted in writing by A New Mode, Inc.
Does he spend time with you as often as he used to? No, he never spends time with me. It's like I don't exist. He spends more time doing random things. Internet, friends, work, etc. Yes, he spends the same amount of time with me as he always has. How Do You Find Love? When a Guy Doesn't Text Back Is He The One?
How To Know For Sure